The reason why it is important to keep a regular, consistent counseling schedule as much as possible, is to achieve a psychological phenomenon called “object constancy”: One of the basic needs of infants and young children is predictability and the sense that their basic needs are going to be met. This builds their sense of security. The earlier and stronger their sense of security gets established, the easier it will be for them to transition into the real world and its challenges.

            As you know, some of our children and families live very chaotic lives. Some of them seldom get their needs met, let alone their infantile needs. We now know that life is not linear, but circular or spiral. We don’t move smoothly from one stage of development to another. Instead, we will keep hashing and re-hashing the same issues until our psyches feel resolved somehow.

            The counseling process (hopefully) meets their emotional needs and the predictability takes the place of what they did not get or not getting in their regular lives. Then they internalize the experience/process after some time (sometimes a long time depending on the level of trauma experienced) and a constant “good, predictable” object resides in their psyches.

You probably know this already but the reason why it is important to let them know about the missed appointment is: Insecure children can handle only so much disappointment before their egos fragment because they feel abandoned. They may still get disappointed with the news but hopefully it will be easier for them to recover. And if I fail to notify in advance sometimes, hey - that simulates life - sometimes unpredictable.